Consider This:

Shouldn't borders encompass rather than limit?

To sleep and to forget

Many people like sleeping. For various reasons. And many people like sleeping in even more. But in my opinion sleeping in doesn’t count as liking sleep. That counts as disliking to wake up.
Personally I fancy sleep because of the escape it provides. To sleep and to forget. And indeed, when you sleep you may (or may not – depending on how strongly it gets projected into your dreams) forget who you are, what had upset you that day… forgotten are mostly current circumstances (and by ‘current’ I mean up-to-date at a certain given time). My mind forgets context and creates its own temporary web of contextual connections (for a lack of a better word for “suvislosti”). But this relates more to dreams than sleep itself.
I like the escape both provide, doesn’t matter whether separate or combined.
But dreams…yes. Like them. Am fascinated by them you could say. Not just because of the possibilities. The whole “_anything_” potential. That’s obvious.
Fascinating is how they work. How those worlds are generated. The mind gathering up what the eye has seen and mashing it all into a collage. The environment is created this way. But what about the storyline? Free flow of association? Yes, probably. However, I don’t believe it is the only force motivating the content.

Maybe it’s something hiding in our subconsciousness. Or somewhere else. After all, we are said to be using only around 10% of our brain capacity. Now, I don’t want to delve into the meaning of dreams in that esoteric sense and rant about how maybe through our dreams ‘we’ ourselves or something/someone is trying to send us messages. But I do believe, that there is undiscovered potential in our dreams.
Actually, what I’d really love to live to see is the day, we will be able to record our dreams. If not with all sensual perception included, then at least audio+visually. Come to think of it, that truly was my favorite part about Final Fantasy: Spirits Within.
And of course this would mean not only being able to relive one’s own dreams, but to see what others dreamt too. And despite the fact that this could be considered a kind of breach of privacy, at the same time one cannot help but feel curious.

In another theory – what if dreams were the gate and key to telepathy?
Humans have toyed with the possibility of this ability for a while now. I am quite convinced that we could indeed be capable of such a communication. It’s just that we have not awakened to it yet. Come to think of it – how would that come about? The awakening. How would we become aware of such a capability?
One of the aforementioned scenarios is through dreams. Dreams that would be ‘shared’. The other is similar (not the same) to the prospect presented in Serial Experiments Lain: When the world’s population reaches the amount of brain cells in an average brain, will we all become connected and would the world grow self-aware?
Or both scenarios combined?
Hm…

Intrigued yet?

Unsent: II

Dear _,

Where to start? Never good at this. Beginnings, starting things.
But I guess you’d like to know when it began. And ironically enough, I don’t know. Could probably tell you when I stopped struggling against it, but to that later.
My first memory(?)/impression(?) of you dates back to the admission exams. Sitting in the large room before the actual test took place, listening to the chatter around and adding to it myself, I remember hearing laughter. Of course you were the source. Your joyfulness endearing. Two thoughts:
…Now that’s a cute laugh………she seems fun to be around of…
I didn’t meet or see you until the first semester.

How stupid of me. Always the fool, hesitating to make the first step. And who in their right mind wouldn’t? Our little clique of four, first time that someone outright persuaded me with “nope, you’re staying with us”, second time that I felt like belonging somewhere. Who in their right mind would want to spoil all that? But even then the apprehension, that the harmony wouldn’t last and end in regret, crept up my shoulder. I value friendship too much I guess. That’s why I (blatantly) didn’t use the opportunity and rather let you “recuperate” when you told me you broke up with your girlfriend.

For I was naïve. Am still. To believe two people can be very close, so close as to the brink of random, mutual invasions of personal space – yes, such as holding hands in public, when no one you know is around though – and still can be _just_ and _only_ good_friends. Boy, was I naïve!
However it wasn’t my hand, you were holding.
It was his.

So after suspicion won by nagging incessantly, I had to ask.
But the bitterest pill to swallow wasn’t that you were together. For I didn’t know it mattered to me that much back then. The shock-inducing fact was that you didn’t tell me. You kept a truly silly secret from someone who cherished you as friends. Again – I value friendship too much I guess. And obviously you (or he?) didn’t value me back as much.

All drama broke loose. It’s May, isn’t it? Has it truly been a year since the shit hit the fan? We were supposed to watch a movie that afternoon. Instead, after asking I threw a fit and left in tears, feeling betrayed and all sorts of other emotions I couldn’t make out at the time. Do you know it took me a whole month to figure out just why I threw the fit? Do you know I cried throughout the whole bus trip as I went straight to the only friend I thought still loyal to me? Do you know you reawakened my paranoia (something that took me two years to get under control)?

All those petty lies via texting afterwards. At first it was “nobody knows”. Then admitting to “ok, she and she did, and he found out when…”… the stupidest excuses. For the stupidest secret. The one keeping your relationship a one.

You. are. a straight. couple.

You don’t need to hide and to be really blunt- you don’t have the right to. It’s immature (for heaven’s sake, are you 14?!) and even quite offensive (My people still have to be cautious at all times and always have to consider where we Publicly Display Affection, unlike you, who can exercise this right freely. So in this sense, this was almost an insulting mockery).
But reportedly you cried as well. And he wasn’t able to eat for a whole 24 hours. Side-note – did it ever occur to you how many times we cried because of each other? And you want to tell me it was just so?

I decided I didn’t want to speak to you for weeks, yes I wanted you to come apologise to me, yet I dragged (yes dragged, in that torn personality way, where one part is saying ‘yes’ and the other is clawing at the doorframe of her pride) myself over two days later. We reconciled, although clumsily. Because I missed you. Not him, after all – it was his stupid idea, wasn’t it? Granted, agreeing to play along made you equally guilty. In my eyes anyway.
When all blew over, there were further attempts to re-establish our friendship to “the way it was before” or even – to make it better, firmer. Those attempts were initiated mostly from my side. But things didn’t go back into old rails. The cloud o’awkward hung above our heads each time us 3 or 4 hung out. Good thing the holidays came. It was the time apart that made me begin to question just how much you meant to me. And I realised.
I realised why I threw the fit.

I realised jealousy and hopelessness had mixed with betrayal. I realised it being the sudden loss of an opportunity, which was within my reach that infuriated me. Like a door slamming shut. I realised that all these months it wasn’t just friendship. I realised I didn’t stay because of the other two, but because you said those words. I realised I loved you all along.
And I stopped struggling against it.

No context

Are you sometimes disoriented at first when you wake up?

Unsent: I

Dear _

I want to tell you so many things. But I don't know how.
And neither can I say them to your face. Always seem to botch that part. For some reason.
It's not incompetence. It's putting them into words.
But when writing, one has all the time they need to formulate.
Just how much and why.
Call it letters, call it kitsch, call it self-help therapy for all I care. Pass judgement or try to understand.
All I know is that sometimes some things need to be said, need to be expressed somehow... otherwise they start eating at you from the inside. You surely know the feeling darling. And I've never been a big fan of self-restrain.

And so they will be written.
So they won't be surpressed.
So this shall be the way and means, until we can communicate with each other openly.

Readers are advised to

- read slowly.
These lines are not some notes that you have to know for the next imminent exam.
You don't have to rush.
Take your time.
Especially since the author is known for her tendencies towards self-righteous word order.
(Not I, but syntax shall bend at my will.)
Refunds are not guaranteed in cases of missing the point.
(Chronologically speaking - Oldest entries at the bottom, newest at the top.)

This friendly message was brought to you by "I just thought it'd be useful to let you know."

The Uprooted - Chapter 1: The Beginning of the End

How does one stop belonging?
You have been living somewhere all your life. Or you have been around certain people. Your environment never 'troubled' you much before. Even if you didn't exactly feel "a_part_of", you weren't explicitly "apart_from" either.
The change to 'uncomfortable' doesn't happen immediately. As these things go, it is a gradual process. Of a multitude of influences. For example in order to even begin questioning your surroundings, you should encounter or at least be aware that there is an alternative. After all, without option there's no choice.
However,
with choice comes comparison.
And your brain begins to do the math on its own. You start evaluating.
And you start noticing things. How much you try with little outcome. For instance to fit in.
You start noticing the incompatibilities. (And as the particular incompatibilities count to the multitude of influences, each shall get their own chapter later.)
But this doesn't mean you should only be either/or. Somehow we are all polymembers.
Nevertheless, seeing what else is there gets you thinking.

Until it dawns on you. (no pun intended)
The concept of belonging or not belonging for that matter.
Simplified in the mind to:
          So...
          I belong here>_______
          I and I don't belong here>_______

Now the question remains

what will you do about it?

The Uprooted - Introduction

Not a place of "in the throng"
But a place in the "among"

The concept of belonging. Don't apply borders to it yet. Just try to grasp the idea. Did it ever occur to you how relevant it is to the human existence? Determines so many branches. Happiness, content, satisfaction prominently, etc… Influences almost anything we do. Whether it is belonging to groups (ranging from social status/caste to even the one person) or to places (district, country, favorite pub…) we subconsciously seek it. Even loners do. How-ever more along the lines of possession, something belonging to them (even if just themselves) that might be.
Belong…=
The summary of desires, preferences, interests, thinking patterns shared by an individual and the target set.
Well, this is the subjective version anyway.
Dictionary version if you please:
belong
intransitive verb
1 a: to be suitable, appropriate, or advantageous
b: to be in a proper situation
2 a: to be the property of a person or thing
b: to be attached or bound by birth, allegiance, or dependency
c: to be a member of a club, organization, or set
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/belong

to belong
1. To have its proper place.
2. To be accepted in a group.
3. To be a part of a group.
4. To be the property of.
5. To be the spouse or partner of.
6. To be an element of (a set).
http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/belong

So, when don’t you belong?
Simple – when you differ. When you disagree.
When the way you think, when your opinions no longer fit in with what you are expected to think. When you behave and strive for things contrary to general belief of appropriateness.
Solution?
Transfer. You shouldn’t change just to please others, if you know there’s nothing wrong with your differences. Transfer. Detect the ‘what’ and ‘why’ that is missing in your surroundings. Then transfer. There might be a place where you will belong. You just have to look for it.

Why?

Why not? No.

Because I want to share. I want to tell. I want to harness.
The thoughts from up here into words.
The joys and wonders, the injustice and harm,
the creation, the destruction.
(Excuse the sentiment. It's not fashionable nowadays.)
Mostly the interesting I want to share.
But I need a space for that.
A space for sharing. A space for expression. A space in your time.
Myspace? No. NoNoNo.
That place is too loud. Not a place for sharing words.
Need a serene place.
This may do.

Content?
Of contemplations, reflexions,
things you won't hear me say out loud.
Even smaller reviews on anything if the topic is interesting enough.
Hm, unique chapters might perhaps appear.
Ale len z času na čas po slovensky. Vtedy nečakajte preklady.

So... What else is there?
Roads and getting nearer
We cover distance but not together
I am the storm I am the wonder
And the flashlights nightmares
And sudden explosions
and there shall be so much more... :)

Don't worry, in time it will all make sense.
I don't know what more to ask for
I was given just one wish
(is it just me, or do these two lines have a strangely strong appeal to you too?)

So
Thank you for your time.
Thank you for caring.

Inspirational music source (click)

PS: commenting doesn't require you to register or sign in.
unless you want to sign in. which you can with your gmail.